My heart pounded, thunderous beats overpowered my chest. I could barely contain myself. Excitement, nervousness, and bits of anxiousness filled me for days, even weeks on end. And today, here I stand, tears streaming down my face, smearing my jet black mascara from my rosy cheeks. There stood hundreds of women in white jumpsuits, as a room full of dominoes - one by one, falling to their knees, arms held high towards their Father above.
It was 6 o'clock, my flesh beaten, soul drained and a slight case of cotton mouth reminded me how each woman rocked my soul with their own personal story. It was only a few short hours ago when I felt their hunger, hunger for God. They schooled me on the Word. Reciting line by line, Psalm by Psalm.
Choking back my tears I uttered, "You know the only difference between you and me?"
"What's that?", she said.
"I didn't get caught."
And in those raw, unadulterated words, she accepted me.
These women trusted me with their brokenness and what the Holy Spirit poured out of my mouth. No hiccups, not a single thought of, "What do I say next?" His counsel, His humility and most importantly, His Love, spilled over into each of their hearts.
A few undoubtedly had no desire to talk about the Lord but within minutes, the Holy Spirit brought them down from their bunks and they spilled their broken tears and belly laughs. And in those special, intimate moments, they felt as if they mattered. And they did, because I understood.
I didn't know what I expected but it’s clear as this beautiful, breezy day – I was made for this. He made me – for this. All of this brokenness, all of this insecurity, all to praise His name, and to share His word.
Thank you Father for moving me out of the way, to speak Your perfect love. Thank you for giving me purpose. Thank you for eyes to see, ears to hear and a heart to receive. You have called on me and I hear your voice, and no other voice do I follow. No matter how tired I may feel, your Name gives me life.
Always remember, you can be a prisoner and be free but you can also be free and still be a prisoner.